Wednesday, November 5, 2008

i tried to be a live but they keep on killing me inside.................i am sorry

yeah can someone tell us what is the secret of a happy life?????
my family and I is still searching for it...
my parents raised me and did their best to get me into college
and now i graduated but i still couldn't help them because i got pregnant
i knew my responsibilities to them
since i was a kid all my dreams revolves around them
i wanted to make my parents proud of me

i want to help my brother to pursue their studies

that's why i studied hard to have a good grades so that they will not regret getting me into college
after school i help them in their business
i tried to be a good daughter to them as i can...
my life is programmed
for my family
then i fell in love
got pregnant.. not in my plan

i just realized that God has its own plan for my life
so i leave it all to Him because my life is in His hands not just mine but also the life of my family....

i cant make them happy but I am sure God can ....



i asked my parents to wait for a few months
but then everyday, if not everyday of that whole week
the every other day of another week they will always tell me that they regret that they gave so much trust on me and believed in me
they said that they thought I am their ALAS or their LUCK ... i also thought that...
but i just realized too that i am not
i said sorry to them
but they just cant accept it

it was like ...
i feel like they wanted me to see suffer for what i have done that their is no forgiveness.....
but i have my baby in my womb i tried so much not to be affected because i know it will also be bad for my baby
but everyday.. every time ...
may parents are different.... i loved them
but now ... i just realized
that all the good things that they did for me is just for their own sake........

I am still praying hard for all of us because i love them all so much ..God knows.......